Thought everyone would like a chuckle
>Microsoft to Buy The U.S Government
>REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
>made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today
>that will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of
>America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of
>our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is
>going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".
>Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
>White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of
>the press that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be
>managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public
>offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government
>is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to
>Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
>and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
>Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government,
>reporting directly to Bill Gates.
>When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to
>Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went on to
>say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens
>should offer Gates their "full support and confidence". Clinton will
>reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has
>earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
>Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
>as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for
>the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft
>headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of
>course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed,
>"and look how well we're doing".
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
>proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
>place".Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that
>United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases
>in government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
>About Microsoft: Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the
>worldwide leader in software for personal computers, and democratic
>government. The company offers a wide range of products and services
>for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission
>of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of
>the full power of personal computing and free society every day.
>About the United States:
>Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
>nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
>and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
>the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
>Corporation.
Received on Fri Nov 14 1997 - 09:02:05 GMT
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