[OT] AT&T (fwd)

From: Daniel Seagraves <daniel_at_ubani.umtec.com>
Date: Tue Nov 17 17:50:21 1998

I got this from one of my friends who works at my upstream ISP. This was
hilarious, I just had to share it!

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From: "Patrick J. Cofield" <outsider_at_ssi.net>
To: Jim Efaw <jimefaw_at_ssi.net>, daniel_at_ubani.umtec.com
Subject: AT&T (fwd)
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This is a work of genius.

-- 
outsider_at_ssi.net (Patrick Cofield)                       Take it to the bridge.
srass_at_bigfoot.com
---------- Forwarded message ----------
[from Zeno, to a whole bunch of people]
I know my friend Pat, lover of tele-marketers, will get a kick out of this
one:
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Robinson please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad.  Much to
my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Robinson?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Robinson?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Robinson.
Me: Well whatever it is,  I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this
lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Robinson we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but
she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to
whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir
that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at
the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check,
can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and
$52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making
payment.
AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a
minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a  minute.
Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll  give me 10
cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute?  Is this some kind of
subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the
Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Robinson. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat
while I'm waiting for a supervisor.  After a wait of a few minutes and
while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Robinson?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I
could sign up for the plan.  
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was
helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls.  I needed to end
this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at
the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Robinson, I understand that you are interested in signing
up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have
enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little
brother...
AT&T: (click)
I am,
-Zeno.
-----------------------------------------------
                  Zeno K. Gamble
 Personal Security to the Secretary of Defense
       The Pentagon, 3E877, (703)692-7140
-----------------------------------------------

Received on Tue Nov 17 1998 - 17:50:21 GMT