On Mon, 15 May 2000, Chuck McManis wrote:
> I finally found my VMS 5.5 TK50's today and thought I would try to install
> VMS on my MicroVAX II. The tape loads in the TK50 just fine, but after typing
> B MUA0:
> It reads and reads and reads ...
Bwahahah.. forgive the repost, but it had to be done. Just as a warning,
though, the article contains some strong language which may cause your
wallpaper to peel just a little.
ok
r.
From: mabbas_at_staff.uiuc.edu (Majdi Abbas)
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
Subject: Exabyte whiners and real tape drives (tape drive dick length)
Date: 7 May 1997 00:09:35 GMT
Organization: University of Illinois at Urbana
Lines: 161
Approved: tk50_at_godless.org
Message-ID: <slrn5mvi1v.ovs.mabbas_at_ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>
Reply-To: mabbas_at_uiuc.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: ux1.cso.uiuc.edu
Summary: TK50s blow.
Keywords: TK50 masochism
X-Newsreader: slrn (0.9.2.1 BETA UNIX)
Status: RO
X-Status: A
So here I am, sitting with *bootable* install media for my VAX[1].
The catch: It's on TK-50 tape. *One* TK-50 tape. Which means I've
got one shot, and only a 33% chance to make it close enough to even get that
shot. That's on a good day. Today is a Monday.
What follows is *not* useful information. If you have one of these,
or have to work with one of these, you're too far gone to be recovering, and
this isn't going to help you any. May the God of DEC have mercy on your soul.
Oh, and before I get going, those of you who whine about Exabyte
drives not ejecting tapes have no concept of a TK50. TK50's *do not* eject
tapes. You have to arm-wrestle the drive for the tape most of the time, and
even if you're lucky it's a manual eject[2].
Before you can eject the tape, the VAX has to think it's done with the
tape. This is a pretty simple concept, if it worked. The TK50s were not in
production very long, and for good reason. Rumor has it their replacements
are better.[3]
I'm going to describe the operation of a TK-50, ignoring some of the
things that go along with booting a VAX. If you know them, I'm sorry, if
you don't, well, consider yourself extremely lucky.
1) Wait for green light.
2) Pull drive flap up.
3) Stick tape in, right side first or it won't fit.
4) Coerce tape into fitting into the drive.
5) Shove it all the way back
6) Push drive flap down. You may need a hammer.
7) Press Big Red Button. Green light will go off, red light will
start flashing, then go solid.
8) Tape drive begins reading tape.
Here's where we go off onto a tangent for a little bit, although it
is related. TK-50 (drive;cartridge;whole shebang) were designed by complete
absolute fscking lusers.
The cartridges are nice and small. This is because they are just a
reel of tape. The other reel is inside the drive itself. When it starts to
read a tape, it snags the beginning of the tape using a leader that whips
around the spindle of the inside reel, and drags the tape in past the read
and erase heads[4].
9) Drive reads tape, system boots, all is good. </SARCASM>
10) You press the big red button again, wait 45 minutes for the thing
to rewind, then it stops and the green light goes on, it moves a
servo that allows you to move the drive flap again, then you are
permitted to remove the tape. No eject mechanisim whatsoever.
Now, on with the show.
So here I am, booting the VAX.
Things are going good, we get past the 5 minute POST, and the drive
starts *reading* the tape. So the media is good and I'm actually thinking
I have a chance yet. Then the gods decide that they've had enough fun at my
expense, and it's time to get serious.
Loading system software.
2..
?4B CTRLERR, MUA0
?06 HLT INST
PC = 00000E0A
Failure.
>>>
My reaction: "Shit."
VAX's reaction: "Yadda yadda yadda *WHOMP* *SCREEEECCCH* *thwap*"
"THWAPthwapthwapthwapthwapthwapthwapthwapthwap"
[continues]
My reaction: "MotherfuckingasslickingpieceofshitasspirateDECtapedrive."
Actually, my reaction was much more lengthy and probably much more
obscene, but in the afterglow right now that's all I can remember.
Knowing that the tape is hopelessly fucked and there went my last
chance for a while, I don't even bother with the normal procedures. This is
a TK-50. One must adapt constantly or get sucked in.
I quickly wrestle the vax for the tape, remove it, and all seems good.
But I know what's coming. A few hundred feet of half-inch tape, all spooled
into the drives internals.
I spend the next half hour removing tape from the drive, clean it up,
check everything out, decide to try out this unlabeled TK50 I have. Nope,
won't boot. Okay VAX, rewind tape.
[Pause for one hour]
VAX, surely you must be done with it now.
VAX: Nope, it's still in there. I swear.
Me: BULLSHIT. I can hear you flapping around empty. You're flapping
around so much that the VAX is about ready to take off and my hair is being
blown back.
Me: Hits the power switch, pops the thing open, pulls the drive out.
Grabs toolkit and commences disassembly of the drive. Sure enough, it's done.
But I can't get the VAX to let go of the tape until it realizes that it's done,
which isn't going to happen. Powercycling et al will not make it realize that
it's done, it has to feel like relinquishing it's dinner.
So, I'm now dissassembling the TK-50. Sure enough, the magic little
leader that feeds these tapes in is broken. Surprise surprise. Tape looks
okay tho.
It's a couple of hours later, and I have one reassembled TK50, one
sliced hand, a screwdriver with a broken tip, a spare black plastic part,
three spare washers, a couple of spare screws and a spring. The tape is
still in the drive, and I've managed to get all of the first tape into a box
for convenient disposal at my leisure. Like I have leisure. Anyhow, I'd
like to make you an offer: Free TK-50 tape drive, including install media in
need of a manual rewind and a preloaded blank tape. Donatee must pay shipping
and psychiatric admission fee. Includes spare parts[5].
WTB: One SCSI Qbus card.
I am *not* going through this again. Especially because I took
pictures of the aftermath of the first tape, and I'm going to post those
near the VAX as a reminder. Let me know if anyone wants scans.
Every single bad thing you've ever heard about any tape drive doesn't
even begin to describe what the TK-50 is like. Exabyte 8200s have nothing on
these things and never will. DEC was fucking up hardware design years before
the advent of the 8200. I personally believe that the TK-50 is probably what
nearly bankrupted DEC. The number of man-hours wasted in-house wrestling with
these things alone is in the millions. It would have to be.
I saw an RU-81A today. Now *there* is a sight. Appropriately in a
junkyard. For those of you involved with BOFHnet, what do you think of a
bofh.tdfh.tk50? This drive definitely has the FH aspect down.
*sigh*
Down,
not
across
--Majdi
[1] Currently hopelessly crippled due to a drive failure.
[2] The problem is that DEC assumed that the VAX knew more about what was
going on in this drive than the person feeding it ferrite. Boy did
they guess wrong.
[3] They *CANNOT* get any worse.
[4] Which are opposed from each other.
[5] You cannot disassemble one of these drives and not wind up with
spare parts. They can't be anything important, because the drive has
to work to suffer some performance degredation and they don't work, so
there is nothing to degrade.
--
Majdi Abbas <mabbas_at_uiuc.edu> I do not speak for my employer.
"Damn, she looked a lot cuter in the bar..." -- Chris Rioux
(He may be one of my coworkers, but he doesn't speak for them either)
Received on Mon May 15 2000 - 18:59:53 BST