OT: Humor Moving to Florida -- VERY FUNNY!!!

From: joe <rigdonj_at_intellistar.net>
Date: Sat Jul 28 10:02:46 2001

    For any of you that wanted to know what's it's like to live in Florida!

>FLORIDA
>
>For anyone who has ever lived or visited Florida, this is HILARIOUS !
>
>Subject: : Moving to Florida
>
>April 30th:
>Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this is a
>state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
>evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a
>blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
>
>May 14th:
>Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, I live in an
>air-conditioned home and drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
>see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
>
>June 5th:
>Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and
>rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE
>SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
>
>July 1st:
>The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night. Where are
>those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot. Getting used to it
>will take a while, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection, though. I'll
>have to remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my car. Got
>one of those fuzzy steering wheel covers, cheaper than the burn ointment for
>my hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like.
>
>July 15th:
>Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed
>two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got
>to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
>
>July 20th:
>I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this morning. By
>the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, he'd swollen up to the size of
>a shopping bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all over $2,000
>worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids he ran away. The car now
>smells like Kibbles and poop. No more pets in this heat!
>
>July 25th:
>Ocean breezes, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on the
>fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed
>to order parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be a hurricane.
>
>July 30th:
>Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting the swamp
>mosquitoes that are as big as B-52's. $1,500 in darn house payments and we
>can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
>
>Aug 4th:
>100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and
>gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as much
>as the house payment. And two old lady drivers almost ran me off the road.
>I hate this state.
>
>Aug 8th:
>If another wise jerk cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to tear
>his head off. Damn heat! By the time I get to work, the radiator is
>boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted
>Garfield!!
>
>Aug 10th:
>The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's
>been too hot for two #_at_*& months and the weatherman says it might really
>warm up next week. And whoever came up with the statement, "it may be hot,
>but at least you don't have to shovel it" should die from heat exhaustion.
>Doesn't it ever rain in this Godforsaken place??
>
>Aug 14th:
>Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack the
>window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to
>fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?". My wife had to spend the
>$1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
>
>Aug 30th:
>Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains
>finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell and drove the
>damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could fly! The
>Lincoln is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new $500
>windshield. That does it, we're moving back to New York
>where all you have to worry about is getting mugged.
>
>I hope this state breaks in half and floats to Cuba.
Received on Sat Jul 28 2001 - 10:02:46 BST