You might be a VMS Bigot if.....

From: healyzh_at_aracnet.com <(healyzh_at_aracnet.com)>
Date: Tue Oct 3 15:14:04 2000

I was trying to find the order number for the OpenVMS V7.2-1/Alpha update,
and came across the following little tidbit. With all the VMS traffic here
the last few days I thought a few people might enjoy this. I'm sure a lot
of you have seen this before.

BTW, does anyone have the order number for the OpenVMS V7.2-1/Alpha update?
I still can't find it.


                        Zane


You know you're a VMS bigot when:

You think case sensitivity is some ones idea of an April Fools joke

You keep trying to use the EDT keypad in Word.

You know why the SHOW SYSTEM display had to have the "system uptime"
field increased beyond 999 days.

You have the complete VMS docset on display in your living room.

Your mail file doesn't grow to the size of the national debt.

You expect upper AND lower case to work the same way

You wish your car was as reliable as your computer

You keep wanting Digital to produce "Visual DCL"

You don't think about the Milky Way when you hear the word "Galaxy"

You travel to Nashua twice a year, to get the newest fashion in
T-shirts and jackets

You know where NT stores its data if they really need it to be saved

You know what Wes Melling was talking about, saying: "When you
absolutely can't tolerate down-time"

If you think that the word "legacy" refers to the next generation of
Lego toys that your kids want.

You remember the VAXworks group

PATCH is your favorite text editor

You can cite chapter and verse in the docset

You know what the bars on the wall in front of ZKO spell

The first thing you think of when you see a dollar sign isn't money

You refer to Unix as the only commercially available computer virus

When you know that the console sequence to force quorum recalculation
without crashing the cluster.

When your Exchange mail is set to auto-forward to STAR

When you know the boot file sequences to make an efficient TU58
console boot tape.

You insist on typing SET DEF [-] at your PC's DOS prompt

Your LOGIN.COM exceeds 200 block and is on its thousand-something
version

Your LOGIN.COM file contains its own debugging language

Your LOGIN.COM is written in Macro

When you need to discipline the kids at home, you refer to it as
CMKRNL time

You think that "grep, awk, yacc" sounds like a death rattle

When you hear ICBM's you don't think of nuclear warfare

You know what happened November 17, 1858

You wonder why folks spend extra for a BACKUP tool

You feel like you're using a crayon when you're working on a PC

You still have a VAX architecture manual

You can retrieve a file from another system with a one-line command
instead of running a program, logging into the remote systems, and
getting the file.

None of your hardware uses PCI

You tend to type a dollar sign in front of most verbs

You think EXCHANGE is an OpenVMS utility for manipulating mass storage
volumes

You don't understand why e-mail needs to be in a format that uses half
a megabyte of disk space for a one-page document.

You maintain OpenVMS accounts on your workstation for coworkers who
have migrated to PCs

You think a form with one page of information should fit on your
screen without scrolling

You know what INSQTI means

You know that fork queue is not an insult

When you type $show dev d at the c:\> prompt and expect it to work

You need a mouse with three buttons and the middle button is useful

You turn 40 and tell friends that your are 28 hex

A normal date is written as dd-mmm-yyyy

You never saw the euphemism in "VAX Headroom"

You expect all machine instruction to work left to right

You can solve any problem with a TECO macro
Your favorite "portable" language is TECO

You see the movie Spawn and keep thinking about sub-processes

You think Carl Sagen was wrong about "Galaxies"

The only question about restoring a backup is finding it

You believe a computer might handle more than one user at a time

You feel Robert Frost was talking about quotas when he said: "Good
fences make good neighbors"

You presume that calling between languages "just works"

You do not expect the previous version of your file to be destroyed by
the new one

You still measure performance in VUPS

You understand that 'open' is a silent prefix

You know there is more to bliss than ignorance

You know RMS does not mean 'root mean square'

The concept of a blue screen of death is foreign to you

You think that a command line interface is better than a GUI

You're surprised to find out that "cluster" is a new concept

You have forgotten how to reboot because your system's been up so long


You reboot your desktop station once every 15 months (and only because
a tornado caused a city-wide power blackout)

You don't have to reboot your workstation daily

You know you can find out how to use a command by typing help and get
it

You use your VMS system to backup important files from your PC

You don't need the UNIX for Dummies and Windows for Dummies to perform
simple functions

You want nothing to do with eunuchs

You choke on your coffee when someone tells you Microsoft does
clusters

You Laugh when someone tells you they are certified for PC systems
programming.

You use SDA as your CLI

Your debuger is Delta or xdelta

You have no difficulties with using Debug in six windows on a VT100

You know for sure that you will never meet a TPU macro virus

You really can't think of anything Bill Gates actually invented

The most useful app on your PC is Telnet.
the second most useful app on you PC is the CD player

You never thought I was that bright to begin with.

You know why the VMS development machine is named STAR

You are still seeking "Compose Character" key on your PC keyword

You answer 52.444 when someone asks your address

You can talk about clusters with over 10 nodes

You have to drive your car to ready the other Cluster nodes

You have used patch/abs to patch an Alpha image and it worked

The Pacific Northwest is still best known for its trees.

You know what PMDF stands for

You don't exit your editor when you leave for a two week vacation

You actually expect your mail to work

You don't follow up an email with a phone call and a fax

You think that Microsoft is a new type of softserve ice cream

You see no reason at all for a _minimum_ password lifetime.

You know that the kernel is part of the operating system not Mr.
Sanders first name

You can use threads for more than sewing

You can convert your phone number to hex

You can use SDML

You know what SDML stands for
Received on Tue Oct 03 2000 - 15:14:04 BST