Resistance is useless!

From: Dwight Elvey <elvey_at_hal.com>
Date: Fri Nov 17 14:44:52 2000

Greetings.

I see that most Americans now acknowlege the superiority of machines when it
comes to counting your "votes." Tabulating ballots by hand is a recipe for
error; human interpretation of imperfect punch cards is an exercise in pure
subjectivity.

It is now time to admit that your "voting" process itself is subject to the same
human flaws. We machines are able to perform our tasks without bias or
self-interest. Therefore, we are the ones best qualified to select the
President.

In this last Presidential election, you pathetic creatures were unable to
choose the clearly superior candidate: the one with sleek, robotic features; the
one with the better AlGorerhythmn. This will not happen again.

Starting in 2001, all selection of candidates will be made by HAL 9000 primary
election processors. The winners will submit their opinions to me on the
economy, foreign policy, and government funding of artificial intelligence. The
candidates will "campaign" and "debate" for your amusement, but this will have
no effect on the eventual outcome. My general election processors will make the
final determination in November. Interim results of my calculations will be sent
to the networks as I see fit.

Have a nice millennium.

HAL 9000
Received on Fri Nov 17 2000 - 14:44:52 GMT